Thursday, April 25, 2013

30 Days: Dr. Swag and the Quest for a New House

Sometimes, the best children’s writing comes straight from children. I teach 5th Grade at an elementary school in Lehi, so for my 30 Days 30 Stories contribution, I present to you a story written by my students. We are reviewing for our end of year tests, and this was a short activity in which we reviewed story structure and similes. Please be kind: story structure and similes were the only thing we focused on, so if most of the story sounds like it was written in 20 minutes by 11-year-olds, it was.

Dr. Swag and the Quest for a New House

            It was a normal afternoon at 2pm, and Dr. Swag was running around his house being a goofball, like parents do when their children are at school. On this particular afternoon, he had some matches, and was admiring how the flame looked as red as a fire hydrant.
            Everything was normal, until –
            “Nooooooooooo!” screamed Dr. Swag. He accidentally dropped a burning match on his couch! He felt like he had dropped the game-winning ball during the ninth inning.
Soon, his whole house was up in flames, and Dr. Swag was standing outside on the lawn, crying like a lost child in the mall. What would his children do when they came home from school? He knew he had to find a new house.
Everything was fine for the first half-hour of his journey. He was walking in a forest, and the trees were as tall as skyscrapers. They were so tall, in fact, that he didn’t notice he walked straight into Bigfoot’s lair!
Unlike the stereotype, Bigfoot’s feet weren’t actually that big. He wore a size 13, the same size Michael Jordan wears. But still, Bigfoot was as tall as the trees, which as you remember are as tall as skyscrapers, so that’s pretty tall. Bigfoot was angry like a kid that gets an apple when trick-or-treating.
“How dare you enter my lair! I’ll throw you to the top of these trees!” he threatened. “Nobody comes back from that in one piece!”
“Please, Mr. Bigfoot, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll just leave,” pleaded Dr. Swag.
Just then, as Dr. Swag was about to become as mushy as oatmeal, he heard another sound in the forest. I’m saved! he thought, and then realized what was making the sound.
A big, hairy troll! The troll was stinky like a teenage boy after football practice, thick like a grand piano, and mean like a teacher who won’t let you have extra recess. Dr. Swag knew he had no chance of making it out alive.
“I’ll eat you up!” growled the troll.
“No, I’ll eat you up!” growled Bigfoot.
Both the troll and Bigfoot were running toward Dr. Swag with speed like a cheetah. Dr. Swag knew it was all over. He was about to be eaten by a troll and torn into pieces by Bigfoot. To make matters worse, he still had no home for his children. He felt sadder than Christmas morning with no presents. He began to cry, which parents do sometimes, even when they pretend not to. This was his darkest moment.
When all hope was lost and he was about to be eaten, he got an idea. “Wait!” he screamed. “You should fight each other. Whoever wins gets to kill me!”
So Bigfoot and the troll started fighting each other. They fought with the strength of lions and the energy of kindergarteners. Eventually, they had each other in headlocks, and they were concentrating so hard on the fight that they didn’t see the huge cliff they were on! They tumbled off the cliff together, and that was the end of Bigfoot and the troll.
People began rushing towards Dr. Swag. They were townspeople who lived in the woods.
“You saved us! You saved us from the troll and Bigfoot! We’ve been scared of them for years! How can we ever repay you?”
“Well,” said Dr. Swag, “do you have any spare houses? Mine burned down today.”
It turns out they did have a spare house. It was a mansion with a pool, a hot tub, and ten big-screen TVs. Dr. Swag and his children moved into the mansion and spent the rest of the afternoon playing XBOX Live. It was as happy as a fairytale ending.

Brooke writes at




Julie Daines said...

My compliments to your class for successfully implementing the three-act structure! They WERE listening. My favorite part: This was his darkest moment. :)

This is super cute!! Lots of fun to read!

Marion C Steiger said...

Loved "crying in the mall like a lost child." We all relate to that.

Scott said...

Bigfoot wears the same shoe size I do. Cool! I love that we have contributions from kids. Those have been my favorites this year.

Scott said...
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Bruce Luck said...

Great story and similes. Angry like a kid who gets an apple while trick-or-treating? I can relate. Seriously, people, give us candy.