Goldilocks and The Wizard of Oz
by David Hulet
Once upon a time there were three wizards.
The evil witch of the East, Evvamene, the really nasty, wicked witch of the West, Evillene, and
the really good witch of the North, Glinda.
They all lived in a faraway land called Oz.
One morning Evillene tried to take over the world, and got in an argument with her sisters in the
They couldn't agree on anything! Frustrated, they decided to adjourn their debating until they'd
had time to cool off.
Soon after they parted, along came a house with a little girl. The house landed on top of
Evvamene. The girl's name was Goldilocks and she was from Kansas.
She stumbled out of her house, very confused and upset since she'd just lived through a tornado.
Who were all those strange short people? They cheered Goldilocks and ranted about how they
were now free. Goldilocks was shown the body of the evil wizard Evvamene, and given the ruby
slippers off the witch's feet. The Good Witch Glinda came rushing back when she saw the falling
house and was sad for her dead sister.
Goldilocks asked about going home and the wizard pointed her toward Emerald City.
“You just have to decide how to get there.” Glinda said.
“Oh?” said Goldilocks. She looked at the Emerald City off in the distance. Before her were three
roads. A gray road, a lime green road, and a yellow brick road.
She stepped onto the gray road. “These stones are too drab,” she said. Next she moved to the
lime green road. “These stones are too bright!” She said, covering her eyes.
Then she moved to the yellow brick road. “This is just right!” she exclaimed with joy. Waving
goodbye to the tiny people and Glinda, she skipped merrily on her way.
“I'm lonely,” said Goldilocks to herself. “I could use a friend.”
She stopped and rested on a fence. A scarecrow in the nearby field winked at her. “Oh!” she said.
“Would you mind helping me down form this pole?” he asked. “Rather stiff up here.”
Goldilocks obliged and helped the scarecrow down. “Friend, can you help me get back to
Kansas?” she asked. But he had no brain. He was too dumb to help her get home. The scarecrow
decided to follow Goldilocks to the Emerald City since he couldn't think of anything else to do.
Soon after, they came to a wooded area. Among the trees Goldilocks saw a tin man. His axe was
raised, ready to cut down the nearest tree, but he was not moving.
“Please help me!” the tin man cried. “All my joints have rusted and I'm stuck. Find some oil!”
After a moment of searching, Goldilocks found the oil can and with the scarecrow they got the
tin man moving again.
“Thank you so much.” He said, smiling.
“Friend, can you help me get back to Kansas?” asked Goldilocks. But he had no heart. He was
too devoid of emotion to help her get home. The tin man decided to follow Goldilocks and the
scarecrow the Emerald city since he couldn't find it in his heart to do anything else.
The woods grew thicker and darker. With a roar, a lion burst from the trees, bent on attacking the
trio. Goldilocks went right up to the lion and slapped him on the nose. “How dare you roar at us
like that, like you're going to eat us!”
“I'm sorry!” cried the lion, cowering in fear.
“Oh dear!” said Goldilocks. “You aren't really a fearsome lion at all, are you?”
The lion shook his head in embarrassment. “Well, friend. Can you help me get back to Kansas?”
But he had no courage. He was too timid to help her get home. The lion decided to follow
Goldilocks, the scarecrow, and the tin man to Emerald City since he was too afraid to have the
courage to not come along.
Finally they arrived at the Emerald City where they were given green glasses in order to see the
Wizard of Oz. He heard their pleas and determined that he could grant their wishes, but only
after Evillene was stopped in her plans for world domination.
Goldilocks and her friends traveled west and were captured by Evillene. Goldilocks was assigned
to floor scrubbing duty. Evillene came often and tried to get the ruby slippers from Goldilocks,
but to no avail.
One day when she was especially upset Evillene threatened the lion's life, and Goldilocks
stepped up to defend him. Her mind was racing. Evillene laughed at Goldilocks and asked what
she would do. She looked down at her three buckets. One was full of ammonia. The second was
filled with rags and a bar of soap. The third bucket had warm water for scrubbing. Goldilocks
reached for the ammonia. “No, that's too dangerous.” She reached for the rags and soap. “No,
that's too ineffective.” Finally, she grabbed her water bucket. “This should be just right.” And
she threw its contents on Evillene The wicked witch recoiled and began screaming. “Ah! Oh!
Dear! Aiee! What have you done? Water! The only thing I'm powerless against! Help me I'm
melting! Melting! Melting…” and the witch melted away to nothing. For her quick thinking and
resourceful decision, Goldilocks was hailed as a heroine for freeing the captives of the wicked
Goldilocks and her friends returned to the Emerald city to get their reward from the Wizard of
Oz. Only he turned out to be a fraud from Nebraska. Undaunted, the friends ask again for the
Wizard to help them. He opens a box and begins rummaging around. He gives the scarecrow a
box of “All-Bran” and calls it “all-brain.” He gives the tin man a satin heart once given to him
by a girl. He gives the Lion a “courage potion” (made from whiskey and seltzer). Once all her
friends were “just right” Goldilocks squealed with delight in anticipation of her being able to get
home to Kansas. At a loss, the Wizard of Oz confesses that he cannot help Goldilocks get back to
Kansas with anything in his box.
But after some debate, they decide to take the balloon Oz used to come from Nebraska to get
Goldilocks home. Only she takes too long in the morning deciding which dress is just right and
when she gets to the balloon site the wizard has already launched and is floating away.
Goldilocks sat down and cried until Glinda, the good witch of the North arrived to comfort her.
“Dear child, do not despair,” she consoled. “I have seen your accomplishments in ridding Oz of
my two evil and wicked sisters, and in return I will tell you the secret to get you back to Kansas.”
She pointed at the Ruby slippers.
“These?” said Goldilocks in surprise. “They go well with my golden curls and look fashionable,
but how can they get me back to Kansas?”
“My dear child, you just have to click your heels three times and wish.”
Goldilocks' face lit up in delight. “Thank you Glinda!” She hugged the good witch, then turned
to her friends. “Goodbye friends.” She smiled, a tear in her eye. “I will miss you, thank you for
They waved back. Goldilocks smashed her heels together. “Oh dear, that was much too hard.”
She tapped them gently together. “Oh! That was much too soft. I could hardly feel it.”
Then she clicked them once more just right.
Goldilocks reappeared in Kansas and was chased by a bear all the way back to her farmhouse.
Copyright 2007© David Hulet. All rights reserved.