Top Ten Reasons Your Man is Better Than Edward or Jacob

My book club enjoys the Twilight movies and love to make a night of it. That leaves my poor husband home alone with our three kids. He's a good sport, though he sent me a text at one point reminding me how much hotter he was than Edward. I think all men are affected at some point by these books and movies--whether it's a swooning spouse/daughter/grandmother, the poor men in our lives can't help but feel a little overwhelmed by the Edward/Jacob ideal.

My good friend sent me this list, written by the spouse of a friend (Micah Shirts). Enjoy!

Top Ten Reasons I'm Better Than Edward

10. You think MY feet are cold at night?
9. Insurance. Health: Honestly, who insures an immortal? Life: No chance you outlive him. Car: My rates go down with age. Edward is paying teenage premiums f-o-r-e-v-e-r.
8. Inferiority. No chance can you out-do Edward. With me, you have a slight, okay possible, okay good, okay winning chance.
7. I bring sunlight into your life.
6. Sure it's a farmer's tan/burn, but at least it's some color.
5. You know how hard it is to get out a blood stain.
4. Do you really want to be married to someone who is "stuck in high school"?
3. No chance our dinner guests ever actually become dinner for me.
2. We can grow old together, not just you getting old (I realize that Bella becomes a vampire but that's a technicality and do you really want to go from eating chocolate ice cream and cheese fries to blood?)
1. I'm pretty sure most people would agree that I'm better looking.

Top Ten Reasons I'm Better Than Jacob

10. I don't require a pet deposit.
9. Rabies: Don't forget what happened to Old Yeller.
8. Have you ever smelled a wet dog?
7. I'm more cuddly (i.e. less muscular).
6. You think I eat a lot...
5. I clean myself with a shower.
4. Two words: Dog Breath.
3. Temper, temper, temper.
2. My back is only slightly hairy.
1. I won't distract you from Edward.
2. I'm p