Monday, November 2, 2009

At the Edge

Two days into November with a not-so-blank calendar staring me straight in the face and I'm still wondering:

"To NaNoWriMo? Or not?"

Can I do it? Can I commit? There's no halfway fulfillment for me. It's all or nothing. If I start, do I have what it takes to finish? Can I see myself on December 1 being proud or feeling like a failure? Is it time for me learn that writing CAN happen outside of a nicely lit, well conditioned/heated environment with mood music playing, a cup of water, and a quiet house? Can I prove to myself that I can write when I want to no matter what chaos is happening around me?

There's always chaos now. I suppose it's largely futile for me to think I'll wait for the chaos to pass before I start really writing again. I think those days of chaos-less-ness are over.

But can I do it? I always come back to this question? Can I write a novel in a month? Heck, can I write everyday? There's the starting line. Can I write? Can I do it even if I never actually got around to reading up on it and doing the research I thought I should? I mean really, how hard can it be to know what to do? It's not about what's required/recommended by the program.

It's all about what's required of me.

Can I do it?

Can I?

At the edge, am I ready to jump? Or am I going to talk myself back down to the safe ledge where I've been hiding for a year, throwing out blog posts and other small writings in an attempt to make myself not feel like a total writing slacker.

Is it time?

Sorry, not great realization here. Just still wondering. But today's the day. Today I commit and write, or I don't.

And I'm still not ready to decide. . . . .


Cathy Witbeck said...

Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump. You can go back and do the little fixes later. This is a time for letting creativity run hog wild, and I don't think you have to feel like you have to make the 2000 word mark every day. You just do what you can do.
So do it, dang it. And have fun.

Taffy said...

Go for it!
Last year I didn't decide until Nov 5.

Yamile said...

Last year I started on Nov 7th. You can do it!