Never Use "Was"

By Julie Daines

The Ten Commandments of Writing and When to Break Them

Writing Conferences. We go. We listen. We obey. Maybe sometimes we obey too much.

My next few posts will be about when to break the writing commandments.

Comandment #5

Thou Shalt Not Use the Word Was

As with all of the posts in this series, I agree with this commandment on most levels. However, as with other commandments, the problem comes when writers take this rule too far. 

Usually, the best way to say something is the simplest and most direct. Writers who beat around the bush with fancy words are guilty of what is known as purple prose, which I define as trying too hard to make each sentence a work of art unto itself. Each sentence's purpose should be in contributing to the beauty of the whole.

Example:

From the first bite, the rich, chocolate cake saturated his tastebuds with mouth-watering flavor. 

First of all, this doesn't sound at all like what a MG or YA character would say. And secondly, it sounds forced. So unless your character is Anne of Green Gables, simple and direct is best. 

The chocolate cake was delicious. 

Straight and to point. We get it, and now the story can move on. 

The object of avoiding the use of the word was is not to write forced prose, it is to use a stronger, better, more descriptive verb. So try to replace was with something better.

The chocolate cake tasted delicious. 

Or rewrite the sentence in a way that says the same thing, only better.

Mack loved that chocolate cake from the first bite.

If the tasting of the chocolate cake is the pinnacle plot point to your story, then go ahead and elaborate. If it's a passing part of dinner, keep it short and simple. 

Example 2:

The sun beat down on the road. When I opened my car door, the heat assaulted me, wrapping its burning fingers around me and choking me. The hot asphalt attacked my bare feet trying to burn its way through my skin. 

At first glance, this may seem ok. But it's a problem I see a lot in descriptions. Whether it's meant like this or not, the entire paragraph is personification--a type of literary device.

As with all literary devices, it should be used judiciously. Save it for the important parts of you story. 

If Cami just ran out of gas in the middle of the desert and she faces imminent death by heat stroke, then this example is ok.  

If all you want to do is get across how hot it is when Cami pulled up to the swimming pool, then keep it simple and direct--even if it means using was. 

By the time Cami pulled up to the swimming pool, it was beyond hot.  

Bottom Line:

• Use was, but only when it's the best and simplest way to get your point across. Sometimes, there is no better substitute. 

• If you can, use a stronger verb in its place or rewrite the sentence. 

• When you need to describe something important, pull out all the stops and elaborate--always keeping in mind the YA or MG voice.

As you're reading, watch for when the author uses was appropriately, and when they should have used it, but instead made one of these mistakes. 

What are your thought on using the word was?

Voice

By Julie Daines

The Ten Commandments of Writing and When to Break Them

Writing Conferences. We go. We listen. We obey. Maybe sometimes we obey too much.

My next few posts will be about when to break the writing commandments.

Comandment #4

Thou Shalt Find Your Voice

Voice, voice, voice. We hear about it everywhere. Especially in YA and MG lit. And with good reason. No one wants to read from a boring, same-old same-old point of view.

A good voice can add depth to a character, give us insight into what motivates the character, and makes him/her multi-dimensional.

Unfortunately, many writers of YA and MG equate voice with snarky sarcasm. Big mistake. An overdose of sarcasm distances the reader and makes the main character less sympathetic.

Yes, kids these days are full of sarcasm, but it takes a little more than that to create voice. 

As agent Mary Kole puts it:

You can’t just give readers a sarcastic, quippy voice and a character who is biting and caustic and call it a day. That’s not all there is to teen voice or teen characters. In fact, writers who think that they’ve made an instant teenager by adding one part extra sarcasm are a big pet peeve of mine. 

Rather than re-hash this subject, let me add a few links to some very helpful posts about voice:

From Nathan Bransford: How to Craft a Great Voice

From Mary Kole: The Problems With Sarcastic Voice

Those two articles should be enough to get you started. Just remember, voice is possibly the hardest part of writing. Getting it right is what separates published from the slush pile. 

Examples of novels with great voice:

I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

Bound  by Donna Jo Napoli

What are your thoughts on voice? 

What books have you found with incredible voice?

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Page Turners

By Julie Daines

The Ten Commandments of Writing and When to Break Them

Writing Conferences. We go. We listen. We obey. Maybe sometimes we obey too much.

My next few posts will be about when to break the writing commandments.

Commandment #3

Thou Shalt Keep the Reader Wanting More

This is something I hear all the time, always keep the reader wanting more. And while that is true, many writers take it the wrong way. 

Here are some common pitfalls to avoid:

~Withholding information in an effort to create suspense. As a general rule, if your POV character knows something, so should the reader. 

When a reader cares about your MC and the stakes are high without being contrived, that's suspense. Withholding information just frustrates a reader.

~EVERY chapter does NOT need to end in a cliffhanger. This starts to feel contrived and tires the reader. When techniques get overused they become cliche. 

If you've done your job well, the reader will be invested enough in the story to want to read on to the next chapter. 

~Don't leave the reader hanging. This happens a lot in multiple POV stories. A writer will leave one character in mortal peril, then switch to another POV of a character in a less stressful situation, presumably to keep the reader in suspense.

Readers are not that patient, in the end, they will skip ahead to see what happens to the character they are invested in at the moment of peril. That is a bad thing and needs to be fixed.

You have to constantly ask yourself what will readers want, and then deliver. 

What are some other situations where writers take the need to have a page-turner the wrong way? 

Thou Shalt Hook the Reader

By Julie Daines

The 10 Commandments of Writing and When to Break Them

Writing Conferences. We go. We listen. We obey. Maybe sometimes we obey too much.

My next few posts will be about when to break the writing commandments.

Commandment 2: 

Thou Shalt Hook the Reader

This commandment is drilled into our heads almost as much as Commandment #1, Show don't tell.

In fact, the internet is overloaded with first line contests, first paragraph contests, and can you hook the reader in 200 words or less? 

The truth is, I'm a fairly good reader, and I rarely come across a first 200 words that is impossible to resist, let alone a first line. 

Yes, a good hook is important--but it must not be contrived or gimmicky. It must set the stage for the story to come. A hook is meant to attract readers AND let them know what they can expect your story to deliver.

A recent article in Writer's Digest by bestselling author Steven James says, 

Too many times a writer will grab reader's attention early on with a scene that's clearly been contrived just for that purpose, without introducing the character or the setting of the story. Consequently the writer is forced to insert excessive backstory into the next scene--thus undermining the forward momentum of the plot. Take your time, trust your readers and craft a hook that orients them to the world you've created. Then drive the story forward without having to explain why you started it the way you did.

James then outlines seven elements of an effective hook:

1. Grab the reader's attention.
2. Introduce a character readers care about.
3. Set the story's mood.
4. Establish the storyteller's voice.
5. Orient readers to the world of the protagonist (and enable them to picture it).
6. Lock in the genre.
7. End in a way that is both surprising and satisfying.

This is excellent advice. I would especially recommend you pay attention to the mood and genre. 

What are your thoughts?

Commandment 1: Thou Shalt Never Tell 

The 10 Commandments of Writing and When to Break Them

By Julie Daines

Writing Conferences. We go. We listen. We obey.

Maybe sometimes we obey too much.

My next few posts will be about when to break the writing commandments.

Commandment 1: Thou shalt never tell.

How often have we heard "Show Don't Tell"? Well believe it or not, there are times when it's better to tell.

• In an attempt to avoid telling, many writers resort to physical cliches. 

Tears sprung to her eyes as she thought about saying goodbye to Mark. At least they still had this one last moment together. Her heart pounded as he moved closer, and when he held her hand, a sizzle of electricity shot up her arm. He tilted his head to the side. When he looked at her like that, she felt the flush of heat in her cheeks.

This is showing, not telling. But it's so laden with physical cliches it's painful to read. The trick is to use inner dialogue to convey these feelings and not tell us what is happening to her physically, but tell us WHY. (Without sounding telly. Not so easy, but it can be done.)

• In the words of children's book editor Cheryl Klein: "Sometimes readers need the plain straightforward direction of telling to elucidate the point of all that showing."

Klein states, a great technique employed by J. K. Rowling is to have a sentence at the beginning of a paragraph that is a little more telly followed by a few awesome sentences of showing. 

These topic sentences point the reader's mind in the right direction, easing the transition from action to interiority, aiding in a place or time shift, or subtly suggesting a shift in the character's mood or focus.

When used at the end of the paragraph or section of showing, this good telling can act as a confirmation to the reader that the main character is indeed feeling or thinking what we think he/she is. 

Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. (telling) He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. ... (followed by a few more clever and poignant sentences of showing.)  -The Sorcerer's Stone, chapter 2

Can you think of other times when it's appropriate to use telling?