(illus. note: page turn / Picture a squat lumpy not-quite human looking figure in schlumpy slippers, fuzzy footy pajamas and frizzy Barbie-like hair.)
With her unequaled sense of style, her singular taste in design, accompanied by her extraordinary commanding presence, it is beyond question that everything about Philippa is unique.
Except for her mother.
Philippa’s mother was rather typical. For a mother that is.
As a matter of fact, she’s probably a lot like yours.
(illus. note: Mother is a shadowy giant figure, only ever seen from about the waist down. Philippa has a book, from what we see, it is … Being a Proper Princess. Quotes from the book are in a different font.)
“A proper princess is indisputably elegant, is often a trend-setter, and carries herself with a distinctive style.”
Philippa’s fashion sense was certainly remarkable. She always dressed for the occasion.
Every occasion. Yes, every one of them.
A true princess is always prepared.
(illus. note: Layers of princess clothing is piled on Philippa’s diminutive frame. Hats, cocktail gloves and princess shoes. If you are picturing E.T. in drag, you’ve almost got it.)
“A proper princess hosts unforgettable dinner parties. Calm and collected, she is a picture of perfection, particularly when it comes to her party manners.
Philippa is no exception to the rule.
Ever. No really, not ever.
Not even for lunch.
(illus. note: It’s a three-ring circus! Towering layered cakes for the acrobats to land on, exotic food dishes—is that tentacles? Philippa carries herself with aplomb amidst the mayhem.)
“A proper princess chooses her prince wisely. A handsome and strong, sensitive and funny, caring and manly prince.”
This was problematic. Philippa did not have a prince.
Obviously not just anyone would do.
Philippa had some work to do.
(illus. note: There is an ‘official notice’: Prince Wanted. With a list of qualities.)
Philippa’s first suitor was indisputably strong.
(illus. note: page turn / We see a disturbing close-up of a jowly-faced creature with a stiff bottom lip and large ears. Philippa is wrinkling her nose, he’s a bit odiferous.)
The second suitor was convincingly funny.
(illus. note: page turn / we see another close-up; a puckered-up freckle-faced and googily-eyed non-human suitor. Philippa turns a bit green when she is confronted with those lips!)
(illus. note: there is a definite dearth of anymore applicants. Chirp, chirp…crickets. She heads off on a quest.)
Finally, a fed up Philippa took matters into her own hands.
Philippa began searching high and low for a hero.
A princely man. A manly man!
A real man!
(illus. note: page turn / Our ‘real’ man is buried in his ‘toys’ and we only see his behind sticking out from an enormous pile. Philippa makes a hasty retreat.)
On second thought, maybe not.
“A proper princess never wavers in her loyalty and love. Gracious, compassionate and kind, she always puts other’s needs before her own.”
Alas, it’s not easy being a princess. A princess’s job is never done. Even after an exhausting day.
Mothers will make sure of that. Always.
At least typical mothers.
(illus. note: We see the giantess, still from about the waist down, at turns she is folding her arms, tapping her foot impatiently, or pointing a directive finger as we progress through the next few frames. Of course, Philippa is puts her own ‘spin’ on the following proceedings.)
Philippa graciously bid farewell to her suitors.
(illus. note: Philippa is feeding Prince Charming, a jowly and strong smelling dog. She returns a funny looking frog to the garden. Then reluctantly kisses baby brother sitting in amongst all his toys.)
Compassionately dismissed her servants for the evening.
(illus. note: Philippa is toting a wavering tall stack of luncheon dishes into the kitchen. Hmmm, that tiered cake is looking suspiciously like a stack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.)
Still had time to sign a few autographs.
(illus. note: She is signing the chore chart…which includes the picking up of all her dress-up clothes/cleaning her room, etc.)
And at long last, after picking another book to be read,
Philippa went to bed.
(illus. note: Under all those clothes, Philippa is revealed to be just a little girl! She puts away the book she’s been carrying, Every Girls Guide to Being a Proper Princess, and picks up—hmmm, a Practical Guide to Pirates.)